英语笑话

英语笑话 Part-time Job业余工作 When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job-- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. 我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 "How was your first day?" I asked. “第一天感觉如何？”我问。 "It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls." “好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。” Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?" 由于斯蒂芬不擅言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？” "Do you prefer paper or plastic?" “你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装” Hey, Nice Tie A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. "Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it. "Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere. "Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him. "It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."   Stop Me and Buy One Peter: May I have a dollar for a man who is crying out in the street? Mother: Certainly, Sonny. What is he crying about? Peter: Ice-cream one dollar each. 　　　　　我禁不住要买 彼得:"我可以要两个便士给一个人吗?他正在大街上高声喊呢!" 母亲:"当然可以.孩子,他在叫喊什么?" 彼得:"冰淇淋,两便士一份." Quite Right "Let us see whether you are smart in arithmetic, Charlie! I have twenty dollars and I borrow fifty from your aunt, thirty from your dad. What does that make?" "Debts, uncle!" 　　　　　恰如其分 "查理,让我们来了解一下你的算术学得好不好.我有二十先令,向你姑妈错了五十先令,向你爸爸借了三十先令,结果是什么呢?" "你欠债了,叔叔!" What will happen A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can." The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home." 　　　　　预测未来 老师问班上的一个男孩：“有人能用纸片预测未来吗？” “我母亲能。”男孩答道。 “真的？”老师问。 “是的，她看了一眼我的成绩单，就告诉了我父亲回家后发生了什么。”男孩立刻解释道。 So much history I wish I‘d lived a thousand years ago! why? Because I wouldn‘t have had so much history to learn! 　　　　　历史 我真希望生活在一千年以前。 为什么？ 那样我就没有那么多的历史可学了。 Otherwise "William has asked me for a loan of 50 dollars. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?" "Certainly." "And why?" "Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me." 　　　　　否则 "威廉向我借五英磅.我该不该借给他?" "当然应该." "为什么?" "否则他就要向我借了." Greeting Cards Jack was looking over greeting cards. The salesman said, "Here‘s a nice one -- TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED." "Great," said Jack. "I‘ll take six." 　　　　　贺卡 杰克正在挑选贺卡。 推销员说：“这种贺卡很好—给我唯一爱过的女孩。” “太棒了，”杰克说，“我要六张。”。 The Father and His Son Father: You know, Tom, when Lincoln was your age, he was a very good 　　pupil. In fact, he was the best pupil in his class. Tom: Yes, Father. I know that. But when he was your age, he was President 　　of the United States. 父亲：汤姆，你要知道，当林肯在你这年龄时，他是一个很好的学生。事实 　　上，他是班里最好的学生。 汤姆：是的，爸爸，我知道，可当他在你这个年龄时，他已是美国总统了。 Watching TV Son: Daddy, I want to watch TV. 　Dad: No electricity tonight. 　Son: Then let‘s watch TV with a candle on. 　　　　　　看电视 儿子：爸爸，我想看电视。 爸爸：今晚上没电。 儿子：那咱们点上蜡烛看电视吧。 Can‘t Read ! Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you can‘t read.  Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of themselves. I‘ve been able to read since I was six. 　　　　　　不能读书了 愤怒的图书管理员：请安静，你身边的人不能读书了。  男孩：他们应该害羞才是，我六岁就能读书了。 Can‘t Read ! Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you can‘t read.  Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of themselves. I‘ve been able to read since I was six. 不能读书了 愤怒的图书管理员：请安静，你身边的人不能读书了。  男孩：他们应该害羞才是，我六岁就能读书了。 Swim more Sam: You really should swim more. It‘s good excercise and  it‘s great for your figure.  Pam: Did you ever take a good look at a duck? 　　　　　游泳 萨姆：你真该多游游泳。这是项好运动，并对你的身材帮助极大。  帕姆：你有没有好好看过鸭子的样子。 Three turtles Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got